Two amusing stories and a short

I have now settled back into guiding having recently completed a whole run of tours: general Oxford ones plus some on Tolkien and Lewis and others on ghosts. There are ups and downs during all tours of course but I do value the challenge and the interaction with the general public a lot. Children can be difficult, especially if they are, as often, on a tour dominated by adults. But they can also be amusing. Recently I had some really well-behaved youngsters on a tour, including a seven-year-old lad. I took them into the Queen’s College and at the end of my usual quite lengthy talk on religion at Oxford University plus the entry of women I asked if there were any questions. The seven-year-old’s hand shot up and everyone turned to him expectantly. And his question was, “When is this going to end?” It was very funny and I rewarded him and the other kids with a visit to Harry Potter hot spots following that. Amazing that that young magician’s spell seems to just go on and on.

 

Photo: Odicalmuse CC SA-BY 4.0

I’m currently attempting to completely renovate a bathroom including covering the shower walls with plastic panels ordered via the web. They arrived quite quickly but the trims for the corners were white whereas I had ordered black. I sent an email to the suppliers and a few days later a long cardboard box arrived containing ... yet more white trims. So I emailed as follows

To: DWF Customer Services <info@decorwallsandflooring.co.uk>

Subject: Re: Order PC-438680

Have now received the replacement trims and when I opened the package they too are white!!!! I ordered black to match the panels I must have BLACK trims. Please replace as soon as possible.

 I received a reply quite rapidly as follows:

DWF Customer Services via decorwalls.onmicrosoft.com 

To rob@robsbookshop.com

Mr Walters my head is in my hands, I can't apologise enough.

The warehouse manager is flogging the culprit as we speak.       

The correct colour trims will be dispatched today.

Many thanks,

The DWF Customer Services Team

A long cardboard box did arrive the very next day and I opened it with some trepidation fearing yet another example of the dominance of white over black. Yet when I opened it there, at last, were the black trims. So I replied:

Thanks for your very amusing response. I thought black humour was effectively stifled in this woke world, but two deliveries of white trims have brought it back. And I now have the black trims and two sets of white trims so you can take your head from your hands and the flogging of the culprit can cease forthwith.

The reply was rapid and terminated a fun interchange between two strangers who will never meet:

The culprit will be delighted that you have pardoned him. Mind you we think he was starting to enjoy it.

On my return from Spain I suffered a sudden plunge in visitors to my Rob’s Oxford YouTube channel just before views of the channel reached the 20,000 mark. There seems to be no explanation for this apart from the vicissitudes of the YouTube algorithm, so I am reacting by preparing a series of short videos, something suggested by a video expert who viewed some of my currently active releases. The series is called Oxford Insights and the first video is titled The Giraffe’s Tale. It’s quite funny. Have a look.

Last journey through France?

The distance from Stow on the Wold in the Cotswolds of England to La Fresneda, our home village in Spain, is about 1,300 miles (200km) dependent on the route followed, much shorter if you take the boat from the UK directly to northern Spain of course.  Mostly over the past twenty odd years we have taken the longer route through France. I guess we have seen more of that country than most French people, but I cannot say I know it well and just now, after our latest trip, I think I’ve travelled it enough for one lifetime as a campervan driver.

Over that period we have been wowed by the wonderful chateaux of that country, fallen in love with the splendid Périgord area and its wonderful Dordogne River, been tempted by ridiculously cheap houses in estate agent windows, moved by the beauty of so many splendid gothic churches, thrilled by the superlative engineering effrontery of many bridges, entranced by the countryside so much like our own in the north and then gtadually preparing us for Spain as we approached the Pyrenees, had major breakdowns of the van(s) and survived, been regularly reminded of the wasted school years supposedly learning French, had raging rows about navigation and finally, reluctantly, started to use Google Maps, chanced upon wonderful towns, villages and picnic spots, towed trailers full of anything from a motorbike to a cement mixer, carried bicycles to allow access to cities and a slower view of the countryside, witnessed and in one case joined forces with the French in revolt, received gut wrenchingly bad news whilst in transit yet have been warmed by the kindness of strangers on many occasions, and finally
 we have so often despaired of finding anywhere to eat after seven in the evening.

That last point is interesting in that the problem has increased over the years as the French have shunned their wonderful restaurants with haughty waiters, check table-cloths and impenetrable but delicious menus accompanied by good carafes of local wine for the bland modernity of pizza places and kebab kitchens. And yet we finished on a high. As we approached Calais for the cross channel trip we looked for somewhere to stay overnight and locked onto Montreuil sur Mer which promised a wide selection of restaurants and was an easy ride to the ferry. Well, it wasn’t by the sea at all, but it did boast a campervan parking area and yes, loads of restaurants, and what‘s more they were open and even more there were people vying to get into them.

 We took the last but one table at La Vauban, a brasserie. It was great: service, food, ambience, all of it and very French. I loved the strange pictures of dogs portrayed as humans, the somewhat haughty maitre d, the servile serving girl and the efficient wine waitress. I even did a Trip Advisor Review! The reviews are not all good though, but the owner responds trenchantly to all criticism which made me laugh out loud reading his spirited comments.

I really enjoyed that last trip during which we found a new pass through the Pyrenees to southern France where we carefully avoided the big city of Bordeaux, then spending a night on the intriguing offshore Île de Ré and another in the old town of Jumieges which lies on an S bend of the River Seine and has a famous and impressive ruined abbey. This may not be my last visit of course, but after an estimated total in excess of 50,000 miles (80,000 km) I no longer relish these journeys.