Stop the world, I want to get off

Forgive me. I have banged on about the decline in spoken British English before – but here I go again. If you are tired of the subject then just play this video which explains that it is all due to lager. Of course it is. Meanwhile, here’s me speaking as if from the past.

"Just ‘ere I wanna say somethin’ about when I wuz a boy growin’ up in the Wes’ Coun’ry. Na’uraly I wan’id tuh soun’ like t’other kids. O’ course them were the days when a guy was summut tha’ you burned on bonfire night and curay’in was summut they did in museums. It’d always bin tha’ way. ‘Course we knew we spoke bad. Tha’ ol’ vicar now, ‘e was posh, full uv ‘aitches an’ a bit short on ar’s. Still we’m quite the fashion now in twenny-twenny-one. Anybody for electrocution lessons on ‘ow to speak proper like? I alwuz wannid tuh be a teacher."

If you do not know what I am talking about, then ‘listen up’. However, if like me you waste valuable time shouting corrections at the unreceptive TV or radio, then you probably already know what my beef is.

“It’s Brighton not Brigh’un. Was not wuz. Twenty not twenny. Us not uz. Been is the past participle of the verb to be, not bin. It’s Britain not Bri’un”

“They can’t hear you, you know,” says my long-suffering wife, long sufferingly.

“That’s not the point,” I explain pointlessly. “I’ve got to get this out of my system.”

I then start to explain, as I sadly watch her leave the room, that following my poor start in the world of diction I commenced a long career in communication – both tele and not. OK, so an apprenticeship in telephone engineering is hardly the route to becoming a BBC news presenter, but there was, and still is, a connection between my emerging need and desire to make myself understood and my career: still is.

By the by, I have no desire whatever to speak like the queen or the other, so called, aristocrats and I do take a great delight in regional accents and those who can mimic them. In truth I do not like the glottal stop characterised by the Cockneys, but I would defend to the death their particular right to drop ‘t’s partway through a word if they must. My surname by the way is Walters and it must never be pronounced Wau’ers.

Speech is all about communication and understanding and, I would also add, demands a fairly direct relation between what is written (despite the vagaries of the English language) and what is said – except for the Chinese. Language must evolve of course, just as we and the circumstances in which we live evolve. But my beef is about deterioration, not evolution. Slovenliness rather than clarity.

Why do people do it? Just to irritate people like me – no that is surely an egocentric thought. In fact I think that there are three reasons for it, maybe more, The first is clearly emulation, just as I as a boy wanted to speak like the other kids even though my father was a foreigner (he was Welsh!). Many of the fashionable substitutions are imports from the USA and are by that route irresistible for some – witness the way that ‘guy’ has replaced our many rich and varied alternatives. The other is the drive of inclusiveness: a desire to show sympathy or comradeship with the oppressed minorities perhaps. And the third possibility is song lyrics: a subtle and persuasive input to a mind opened by the song and singer.

Well, that’s got that off my chest. Better now? Not really. Wha’ abou’ me men’al ‘elth? Just keep on taking the medicine (real ale) and shouting at the TV Rob. I have to go out to feed the chickens now. I’ll have a word with them, the only word that they understand – corn.

Adam Smith and Howard Marks

The sun’s been out, I’ve planted 20 more trees and the green shoots of possible guiding opportunities in Oxford are appearing. I’ve also launched another Oxford pub video, and I’ve had my second Covid jab. How do I feel? Calm, a little nervous.

No reaction yet to the jab, but the prospect of guiding reminds me that I have not refreshed that immense store of Oxford facts and stories which allows me to conduct tours to my own satisfaction and hopefully to that of visitors. Why not revise it all you might ask? Well for a start it is too much and secondly the links between the various colleges, university buildings, people, events, and so on are crucial to a good tour. However, there is one bonus of the Covid interregnum, I have advanced my knowledge, and respect for, Adam Smith.

Most of my tours begin outside the college of Balliol, the second oldest of the thirty-nine. I usually relate the fascinating tale of its foundation and then talk about a selection of famous men who have studied there: one of those is the fourth, and our current, Prime Minister; another is Adam Smith who held a graduate scholarship there in the 1740s. Most visitors seem to recognise the title of Smith’s second book, The Wealth of Nations, which is often claimed to be the first to tackle the subject of economics. I am now much more aware of his first book which he thought it his best: this one addresses the tricky subject of moral philosophy. Both books are hard reads and I freely confess that I have not read them. But I have read about them and nowadays virtually attend seminars provided by the Adam Smith Institute which often refer to them.

Adam Smith is sometimes portrayed as the founder of capitalism and economic man (an amoral being driven entirely by selfish motives). In fact he propounds the benefits of free trade to all and a moral approach to self interest which recognises the benefits of social cooperation and the need to be ‘loved and loveable’.

However, if I tried to explain this on a tour I would lose half my audience on political grounds and the other half through boredom. Instead I must switch to Howard Marks, also of Balliol, and Oxford’s most famous drug dealer. Howard was loveable (to some) and he also believed in free trade: specifically in the supply of cannabis. Howard is one of the subjects of my own book entitled the Rogues of Oxford where entry depends on assessment as: charmer, womaniser, drinker, liar, entertainer, corruptor, adventurer and creator. I did not consider Adam Smith for that book, or the very first Adam.

 

Videos, Books and Pubs

 

It’s interesting to compare making videos with writing books. There are similarities of course, particularly in non-fiction where having decided on a subject you begin to assemble the bits and bobs from which your ‘masterpiece’ will be created. For a book that’s the facts and photos that you need to build your book upon and it is much the same for videos, with the addition of clips – bits of videos from elsewhere. The web is a great source for both, but also provides a dangerous temptation to use other people’s work. Actually I’m mostly happy for other creators to use my stuff as long as they ask and they attribute, and I also find that many independents are more than willing to reciprocate. Problem is that the web is cluttered up with agencies such as Getty Images who tempt you in with bogus ‘royalty free’ offers and do not even water mark their stuff to prevent accidental use, and then set their vultures on you. Sigh!

Of course the mechanics of producing a book or a film are quite different, though both involve quite a lot of keyboard bashing: via word processors for books, and video editors for films.  Funny really, but the latter reminds me of my programming days. It’s not exactly technical, but it is quite complex and can be frustrating. I use Shotcut which is free: it’s created by enthusiasts. It has more capabilities than I have yet mastered and can be quite frustrating. It crashes, just like computer programs did in my heyday. And, of course, there’s no one to complain to when things don’t work. Fortunately there exists an enthusiastic bunch of users who are often willing to help when you do get stuck. 

Word processors handle words, formats and such. A video editor handles that plus sound and video via filters, timelines, keyframes and so on. There is also a fundamental difference between them. A word processor deals with a serial flow of words, the video editor has to deal with videos, images, sounds and more in parallel, that takes a heck of lot more computer power. It’s comparable in complexity to building a road versus all of the buildings, bridges, street lighting and services that lie alongside it. But hey, it’s creative. Some people are really good at it. I just get by.

And that’s a prompt to introduce my latest output: two more pubs. The Turf is one of the most popular in Oxford, especially with visitors. It is a hidden wonder crouching beside the old city wall and is the repository of many intriguing stories. The Wheatsheaf, the pub that I nearly took on some years ago, is central Oxford’s key remaining live music venue and even has a pool table. It is under threat: an application has been made to convert it to student accommodation! A fight is going on to save it. As I write I am anxiously awaiting my ‘Save the Sheaf’ T-shirt and hope that my video might help a little in the battle.

  

 

Zooming into pubs and more

Well it seems a while since I’ve blogged and a lot has happened on the covid front where there does seem to be light at the end of the tunnel for the UK at least. I am amazed at the rate of roll out of vaccinations. By the way I find the word covid quite inappropriate for this scourge that has invaded our world, it has a warmth to it that conveys the wrong impression entirely whereas syphilis, pneumonia, pox (big or small), SARS and the black death are all names that seem redolent of their effect.

And now there are signs of spring in the garden. Margaret has all sorts of flowers popping up and my broad beans are peaking through. Meanwhile the chickens are looking more sprightly. I’ve got them working over my vegetable garden prior to seeding and they are doing a grand job. They’re laying plenty of eggs too. I’ve never known such productivity – hybrid vigour I suppose. Other creatures are also sensing the coming of spring. From my office window I can see the little lambs leaping about in the field next to ours: so white, so tiny, so lively. And this morning I witnessed a male wood pigeon trying to make out with a female.

Meanwhile I’m getting on with stuff. Did my first commercial Zoom talk the other day on a subject which is near to my heart: Pubs of Oxford. It went well I think, though I certainly miss the immediate feedback of a live audience. Whilst developing that talk I’ve also made two videos on the same topic. The first, which is an introduction, was great fun to make. I asked a number of people what their favourite pub was and they provided short video answers which I’ve linked together. It’s great fun, have a look.

I’ve also made one on what may soon become a lost pub. It’s the Lamb and Flag, now threatened with closure. On the lighter side that video relates one of my favourite pub jokes (more of those to come). See it here.

I’m also doing a Zoom talk based on my book: The Battle FOR Stow.  That book traced the march made by the Royalist forces in their attempt to reach Oxford and save King Charles I. The march ended in the Battle of Stow and marked the end of the first phase of that crucial 17^th century civil war. My book was all about the march (which I repeated 363 years later) together with the battles that take place in Stow-on-the-Wold in the 21^st Century. I’ve also just finished reading a fascinating book on the Glorious Revolution which followed the death of Charles I’s son, also Charles and the escape to France by Charles II's brother and successor James II. In a way that revolution was a follow through of the civil war and probably launched Britain on its path towards genuine democracy, empire and the industrial revolution.

 

Covid and the Oldest Colleges of Oxford

 

Had my first covid jab on the last day of January. My wife had hers the day before and it made her quite ill which was a bit worrying (for both of us), but it was certainly not going to deter me. The whole thing was amazingly well organised with off-duty fire officers managing the car park. Other volunteers checked us in and handed out hand steriliser. The enthusiastic doctor then talked me and another chap through the process and grilled us on various topics to ensure that we were fit recipients. He was great, given that he’d probably done it all a hundred times before that day.

I hardly noticed the jab, felt like a little thump that’s all, and the whole thing took little more than five minutes. I was then told to sit in the car for another five minutes “just in case”. So there I sat in the red mini dwarfed by the urban tractors on each side of me. Still we’re all equal before covid.

As the evening wore on I became aware of stuff that had been slipped into my blood stream. I felt light-headed, then the opposite, and just generally odd. Meanwhile Margaret had pretty well recovered.

Next morning I felt a little dull but generally OK. The central heating system failed to come on so I fixed that. I fed the chickens, (they are in semi lockdown for fear of bird flu) collected the eggs, did my usual circuit of exercising: weights, wobble board, punch bag, darts and skipping. All seemed well so I set to work on the video I’m near to finishing.

But I was not right, I had a mild headache, pains in different parts of my body, felt so cold that I had to wear a heavy coat, and had this general sense of not being myself. And of course the work did not go well. Video editing is not an easy task and I made many silly mistakes.

By the third day I was fine and these minor side effects were clearly
dwarfed by the magnitude of the pandemic and the prospect of immunity for all. I am unaccountably proud that the Oxford Astra-Zeneca vaccine was so quickly designed, tested and manufactured in such vast quantities. And I am awed by the rate and scope of roll out in my country. I was nearly the ten millionth recipient I think.

Despite Covid, my work goes on. I have finished that video! It’s a quick streak through the ten oldest colleges of Oxford. It was fun to make but had its usual ups and down: problems with the editor, the presenter, the designer and the scriptwriter. Yeah, that’s me. Have a look, just click here, or on the thumbnail below.

Walking in the Cotswold Hills and videos of Margaret and Benazir

I do enjoy a good long walk, but just now they do not end as I would wish. In this month of January I’ve done two – both alone for obvious reason. There was snow on the ground as I set off for the first, heading in the direction of Wyck Rissington. The weather was great, cold but sunny, but I was tricked. Some four miles into the walk it began to snow, and it got worse. As planned I turned to the north across a ridge in the Cotswolds in order to make a long loop back to my home but the snow became so heavy I had to eat my packed lunch in some farmer’s open sided barn. I took a less ambitious route towards the pretty but soulless village of Icomb and on my way there tripped over a root and fell heavily into the mud – and laughed as I lay there!

The second walk, just two days ago, also started in brilliant sunshine. However it did not snow, but the sun was soon obscured by heavy cloud and the temperature dropped quickly. I did another loop this time passing close to the lovely Slaughter villages and then arrived at one of my most loved spots at the base of Stow hill: Hyde Mill. There I got into conversation with the owners (socially distanced of course) and what did we talk about? Why vaccinations of course.

So, why don’t these walk end as I would wish. Quite simple – the pubs are closed. I enjoy nothing better than stumbling foot weary into a good pub and quenching my thirst on a well-deserved pint of real ale. Roll on the jab.

Walking aside, I’ve been busy. Two new videos are now live on Rob’s Oxford channel which completes the series on Women World Leaders Educated at Oxford. The additions are Margaret Thatcher and Benazir Bhutto, both interesting ladies with fascinating lives and a shared alma mater.

Here are the thumbnails, as they are called on YouTube. Have a look via the channel and please subscribe. Every little helps.

Ending 2020

 Well, we are nearing the end of 2020 with a whimper rather than a bang and I will not dwell on that here. For my own part the year began with a fairly extensive bout of travel taking in Taiwan, Vietnam, Cambodia and Australia, all somewhat under the shadow of the looming pandemic. We returned to the UK in early March where, in retrospect and given our travels, we should certainly have been tested for the virus, but those were the days of perhaps forgiveable ignorance.

As I look at my diary for that month I see a litany of pre-booked Oxford tours – all with cancellation lines through them. I also see my last ever shift as a Samaritan and the day upon which we bought four chickens: lock-down had arrived.

I found substitute activities, as one does and towards the end of the year began using my guiding experience to make videos about Oxford. That has proven absorbing and creative. My latest one goes live today and it is the first of a series entitled Women World Leaders educated at Oxford University. This one focuses on Indira Gandhi, that famous Prime Minister of India, a woman who had a fascinating, though tragic life. You can select the video by going to Rob’s Oxford channel, or go  directly to it by clicking here. It’s about twelve minutes in duration. The next one will feature Margaret Thatcher who, in common with Indira, was sometimes known as the Iron Lady.

All that said I really wanted to wish you as happy a Christmas as possible in these circumstances, and hopefully a happier 2021.

This is blog number 200! There's a lot going on

Well, as lockdown two comes to an end in the UK, I’ve been busy. Some readers may recall that a few years ago I completed the construction of my stone hut in Spain, properly known as a caseta. It took me five years to complete, on and off. The people in our village mostly thought that I was mad to build it traditionally of stone (loco) and were amazed that I did most of it on my own (solo). I like a good project and this one turned out to be a biggy - and one that brought me more deeply in touch with those villagers who labelled me Loco Solo.

Sometimes I do wonder whether I do these things for themselves or in order to write about the experience. Bit of both, I guess. Anyway, I did write a book about the project but, for various reasons, did not publish it just then. Now, I have. It is titled Rolling Stones in Spain: Solo Loco and is available as a Kindle eBook right now, the paperback will be released next week (2^nd week of December 2020).  You can see it at robsbookshop.com or here’s the direct link to it on Amazon. If anyone on my blog list wants to read it then I can send it to you for free as an eBook (you can read it on a PC, Apple or a phone using the Kindle app (also free). Just email me at rob@satin.co.uk. All I ask is that you write a short review if you like it.

And on the video front, I’ve made another for the Rob’s Oxford channel. It’s a short one entitled The Top Three Colleges of Oxford and explains how they are rated and takes a look at the top three.  That too is free, but it would be great for me if you were good enough to subscribe to the channel (free and advert free). Here’s the link.

Besides all that Christmas is on its way again, though a rather different one this year for most people – Covid Christmas. Meanwhile there may be a rather special present for me since I’ve actually now seen an image of the cover of my Indian book, not the actual book, just the cover. So, after two years of frustrating delays there’s a possibility that it could be launched (in India at least) before Christmas, fingers crossed. 

And more again, I’m just putting the finishing touches to a novel I’ve been working on for some time. Though it's an outcome of my life in Spain, the locations are imagined location and characters fictional. Watch this space.

Fortunately there is now some good news on the corona vaccination front. Obviously, I have no connection with it at all, but it is nice to see that Oxford is right up there with the lead researchers in trying to combat this scourge.