Stop the world, I want to get off

Forgive me. I have banged on about the decline in spoken British English before – but here I go again. If you are tired of the subject then just play this video which explains that it is all due to lager. Of course it is. Meanwhile, here’s me speaking as if from the past.

"Just ‘ere I wanna say somethin’ about when I wuz a boy growin’ up in the Wes’ Coun’ry. Na’uraly I wan’id tuh soun’ like t’other kids. O’ course them were the days when a guy was summut tha’ you burned on bonfire night and curay’in was summut they did in museums. It’d always bin tha’ way. ‘Course we knew we spoke bad. Tha’ ol’ vicar now, ‘e was posh, full uv ‘aitches an’ a bit short on ar’s. Still we’m quite the fashion now in twenny-twenny-one. Anybody for electrocution lessons on ‘ow to speak proper like? I alwuz wannid tuh be a teacher."

If you do not know what I am talking about, then ‘listen up’. However, if like me you waste valuable time shouting corrections at the unreceptive TV or radio, then you probably already know what my beef is.

“It’s Brighton not Brigh’un. Was not wuz. Twenty not twenny. Us not uz. Been is the past participle of the verb to be, not bin. It’s Britain not Bri’un”

“They can’t hear you, you know,” says my long-suffering wife, long sufferingly.

“That’s not the point,” I explain pointlessly. “I’ve got to get this out of my system.”

I then start to explain, as I sadly watch her leave the room, that following my poor start in the world of diction I commenced a long career in communication – both tele and not. OK, so an apprenticeship in telephone engineering is hardly the route to becoming a BBC news presenter, but there was, and still is, a connection between my emerging need and desire to make myself understood and my career: still is.

By the by, I have no desire whatever to speak like the queen or the other, so called, aristocrats and I do take a great delight in regional accents and those who can mimic them. In truth I do not like the glottal stop characterised by the Cockneys, but I would defend to the death their particular right to drop ‘t’s partway through a word if they must. My surname by the way is Walters and it must never be pronounced Wau’ers.

Speech is all about communication and understanding and, I would also add, demands a fairly direct relation between what is written (despite the vagaries of the English language) and what is said – except for the Chinese. Language must evolve of course, just as we and the circumstances in which we live evolve. But my beef is about deterioration, not evolution. Slovenliness rather than clarity.

Why do people do it? Just to irritate people like me – no that is surely an egocentric thought. In fact I think that there are three reasons for it, maybe more, The first is clearly emulation, just as I as a boy wanted to speak like the other kids even though my father was a foreigner (he was Welsh!). Many of the fashionable substitutions are imports from the USA and are by that route irresistible for some – witness the way that ‘guy’ has replaced our many rich and varied alternatives. The other is the drive of inclusiveness: a desire to show sympathy or comradeship with the oppressed minorities perhaps. And the third possibility is song lyrics: a subtle and persuasive input to a mind opened by the song and singer.

Well, that’s got that off my chest. Better now? Not really. Wha’ abou’ me men’al ‘elth? Just keep on taking the medicine (real ale) and shouting at the TV Rob. I have to go out to feed the chickens now. I’ll have a word with them, the only word that they understand – corn.

Adam Smith and Howard Marks

The sun’s been out, I’ve planted 20 more trees and the green shoots of possible guiding opportunities in Oxford are appearing. I’ve also launched another Oxford pub video, and I’ve had my second Covid jab. How do I feel? Calm, a little nervous.

No reaction yet to the jab, but the prospect of guiding reminds me that I have not refreshed that immense store of Oxford facts and stories which allows me to conduct tours to my own satisfaction and hopefully to that of visitors. Why not revise it all you might ask? Well for a start it is too much and secondly the links between the various colleges, university buildings, people, events, and so on are crucial to a good tour. However, there is one bonus of the Covid interregnum, I have advanced my knowledge, and respect for, Adam Smith.

Most of my tours begin outside the college of Balliol, the second oldest of the thirty-nine. I usually relate the fascinating tale of its foundation and then talk about a selection of famous men who have studied there: one of those is the fourth, and our current, Prime Minister; another is Adam Smith who held a graduate scholarship there in the 1740s. Most visitors seem to recognise the title of Smith’s second book, The Wealth of Nations, which is often claimed to be the first to tackle the subject of economics. I am now much more aware of his first book which he thought it his best: this one addresses the tricky subject of moral philosophy. Both books are hard reads and I freely confess that I have not read them. But I have read about them and nowadays virtually attend seminars provided by the Adam Smith Institute which often refer to them.

Adam Smith is sometimes portrayed as the founder of capitalism and economic man (an amoral being driven entirely by selfish motives). In fact he propounds the benefits of free trade to all and a moral approach to self interest which recognises the benefits of social cooperation and the need to be ‘loved and loveable’.

However, if I tried to explain this on a tour I would lose half my audience on political grounds and the other half through boredom. Instead I must switch to Howard Marks, also of Balliol, and Oxford’s most famous drug dealer. Howard was loveable (to some) and he also believed in free trade: specifically in the supply of cannabis. Howard is one of the subjects of my own book entitled the Rogues of Oxford where entry depends on assessment as: charmer, womaniser, drinker, liar, entertainer, corruptor, adventurer and creator. I did not consider Adam Smith for that book, or the very first Adam.

 

Videos, Books and Pubs

 

It’s interesting to compare making videos with writing books. There are similarities of course, particularly in non-fiction where having decided on a subject you begin to assemble the bits and bobs from which your ‘masterpiece’ will be created. For a book that’s the facts and photos that you need to build your book upon and it is much the same for videos, with the addition of clips – bits of videos from elsewhere. The web is a great source for both, but also provides a dangerous temptation to use other people’s work. Actually I’m mostly happy for other creators to use my stuff as long as they ask and they attribute, and I also find that many independents are more than willing to reciprocate. Problem is that the web is cluttered up with agencies such as Getty Images who tempt you in with bogus ‘royalty free’ offers and do not even water mark their stuff to prevent accidental use, and then set their vultures on you. Sigh!

Of course the mechanics of producing a book or a film are quite different, though both involve quite a lot of keyboard bashing: via word processors for books, and video editors for films.  Funny really, but the latter reminds me of my programming days. It’s not exactly technical, but it is quite complex and can be frustrating. I use Shotcut which is free: it’s created by enthusiasts. It has more capabilities than I have yet mastered and can be quite frustrating. It crashes, just like computer programs did in my heyday. And, of course, there’s no one to complain to when things don’t work. Fortunately there exists an enthusiastic bunch of users who are often willing to help when you do get stuck. 

Word processors handle words, formats and such. A video editor handles that plus sound and video via filters, timelines, keyframes and so on. There is also a fundamental difference between them. A word processor deals with a serial flow of words, the video editor has to deal with videos, images, sounds and more in parallel, that takes a heck of lot more computer power. It’s comparable in complexity to building a road versus all of the buildings, bridges, street lighting and services that lie alongside it. But hey, it’s creative. Some people are really good at it. I just get by.

And that’s a prompt to introduce my latest output: two more pubs. The Turf is one of the most popular in Oxford, especially with visitors. It is a hidden wonder crouching beside the old city wall and is the repository of many intriguing stories. The Wheatsheaf, the pub that I nearly took on some years ago, is central Oxford’s key remaining live music venue and even has a pool table. It is under threat: an application has been made to convert it to student accommodation! A fight is going on to save it. As I write I am anxiously awaiting my ‘Save the Sheaf’ T-shirt and hope that my video might help a little in the battle.

  

 

Zooming into pubs and more

Well it seems a while since I’ve blogged and a lot has happened on the covid front where there does seem to be light at the end of the tunnel for the UK at least. I am amazed at the rate of roll out of vaccinations. By the way I find the word covid quite inappropriate for this scourge that has invaded our world, it has a warmth to it that conveys the wrong impression entirely whereas syphilis, pneumonia, pox (big or small), SARS and the black death are all names that seem redolent of their effect.

And now there are signs of spring in the garden. Margaret has all sorts of flowers popping up and my broad beans are peaking through. Meanwhile the chickens are looking more sprightly. I’ve got them working over my vegetable garden prior to seeding and they are doing a grand job. They’re laying plenty of eggs too. I’ve never known such productivity – hybrid vigour I suppose. Other creatures are also sensing the coming of spring. From my office window I can see the little lambs leaping about in the field next to ours: so white, so tiny, so lively. And this morning I witnessed a male wood pigeon trying to make out with a female.

Meanwhile I’m getting on with stuff. Did my first commercial Zoom talk the other day on a subject which is near to my heart: Pubs of Oxford. It went well I think, though I certainly miss the immediate feedback of a live audience. Whilst developing that talk I’ve also made two videos on the same topic. The first, which is an introduction, was great fun to make. I asked a number of people what their favourite pub was and they provided short video answers which I’ve linked together. It’s great fun, have a look.

I’ve also made one on what may soon become a lost pub. It’s the Lamb and Flag, now threatened with closure. On the lighter side that video relates one of my favourite pub jokes (more of those to come). See it here.

I’m also doing a Zoom talk based on my book: The Battle FOR Stow.  That book traced the march made by the Royalist forces in their attempt to reach Oxford and save King Charles I. The march ended in the Battle of Stow and marked the end of the first phase of that crucial 17^th century civil war. My book was all about the march (which I repeated 363 years later) together with the battles that take place in Stow-on-the-Wold in the 21^st Century. I’ve also just finished reading a fascinating book on the Glorious Revolution which followed the death of Charles I’s son, also Charles and the escape to France by Charles II's brother and successor James II. In a way that revolution was a follow through of the civil war and probably launched Britain on its path towards genuine democracy, empire and the industrial revolution.